Hawking Up Hairballs

Thursday, September 14, 2006


In Uniontown, Pennsylvania, a man recently went on trial charged with criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault, corruption of minors and reckless endangerment. And what, might you ask, did this man do to get himself in this fix? Well, it seems that he was coach of a T-ball team, and that he offered to $25 to one of his players to hit an autistic and mildly retarded teammate with baseballs. It seems that this coach thought the disabled kid was a liability and wanted to get him off of the team.

When I first read this, I thought it was a joke, you know one of those items from a site like The Onion. (For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, The Onion is a site that satirizes news stories.) Unfortunately it is factual. I verified that by checking the web site of TV station WGAL.

This leaves me baffled. I can see where a professional baseball manager might solicit one of his players to bean an opponent. I wouldn’t approve, but I could see where someone might do that because something is presumably at stake. Nothing that I would consider important, but something to many people. In this case though, it was frigging T-ball, and these were nine-year-olds. For Christ’s sake, it’s probably all you can do to get them to concentrate on the game, and this bozo is worried about some kid being a liability.

What motivates a character like this? I sure as hell can’t say. He probably still lives with his mother. Maybe he got his butt kicked by a gimpy kid back when he was in high school. In high school, a retarded kid might have scored higher than him on the SATs. I’ll bet he still has Army men that he plays with at night down in his basement. The WGAL site said that league officials told them that this man had not applied to coach next year. Well, duh. Hopefully, he’ll be down on old Buttfuck Prison Farm sharing a cell with Big Bubba.

And on the subject of baseball, here’s something equally stupid, though ridiculous rather than depraved. In his new movie, Jack Nicholson was asked to wear a Boston Red Sox cap during one scene. However, he’s apparently a lifelong Yankees fan and refused, so the director agreed to let him wear a Yankees cap. That’s too bad. I used to like Jack.


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