Hawking Up Hairballs

Friday, November 28, 2008

An American Martyr

According to the New York Daily News, a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death in Long Island when some 200 people rushed the doors as they were being opened for the post-Thanksgiving sale. I guess they don't call it Black Friday for nothing.

The mind boggles at the very notion. What is there for sale at Wal-Mart that is worth stampeding for? As another employee told the Daily News, they literally tore the door off of its hinges. God, what a way to go. Bad enough that this poor sap, who was only 34 years old, had to work as a temporary maintenance worker at Wal-Mart. In plain speech, that's a janitor. But then to die like road kill, there on the floor of the store after being run over by 200 people who were doing their best imitation of a herd of wildebeests. Sheesh! I remember this ad from TV several years back. Some retail chain, they're all so interchangeable that the names jumble in the mind, was holding a sale. In the commercial, the employees were arguing over who was going to open the door because they all knew that the one who did would get trampled under foot by the crazed shoppers waiting outside. So, what we had at that Wal-Mart was yet another case of life imitating art, though art of a base and banal sort.

Come to think of it though, what more appropriate way to go? Every faith must have its martyrs. Christianity certainly has more than a few. So, here's one for American consumerism. The name of this poor person has yet to be released, so he will have to remain nameless for now. Let's just hope there's a Wal-Mart heaven where he can dwell forever in a superstore that is so chockful of the products of Chinese industry that no one has to stampede because there's more than enough for all.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This piece had tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks again (no offense to the dearly departed). Maybe his headstone could just have a big bar code engraved on it.

Were the pall bearers illegal Mexicans? Was there a greeter at the funeral?

W in PDX

8:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do apologize for the indelicate nature of my comment, I momentarily forgot that I live at ground zero for political correctness. When I said 'illegal Mexican', I meant to say 'undocumented worker'.

regards, W in PDX

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to believe that there was a six year old kid in the throng that hesitated at the feet of the fallen worker. I can see the confused child's eyes darting from the trampled man with the smiley button on his vest up to the bloodshot eyes of her mama as the mama holds out her hand and screams, "Come on honey! If you want the last Tickle Me Elmo you'll just have to run over the nice man! He's just sleeping! Hurry up angel!" Then the child casts her legs into infamy and tramples the corpse on her way to toyland.

W in PDX

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Calumet, Michigan 1913. Copper miners on strike are having a X-mas party in a town hall. Scabs and thugs bar the doors and scream fire. Children and others are trampled and killed on the steps below a X-mas tree.

Now we just trample each other for the f*** of it.

Drill baby drill......

9:49 PM  

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